Safe BDSM Practicing

Many of those who have ever come into contact with the BDSM environment came across the abbreviation SSC, which stands for safety, sanity and consensuality. In the generally accepted translation from English, these words sound like "safety, reasonableness, voluntariness", and are interpreted rather broadly, if not - extremely loosely. Everyone believes that he absolutely precisely and unambiguously understands the meaning of these concepts correctly, but as soon as he expresses his opinion, it turns out that at least not everyone agrees with him.

In principle, almost any area in BDSM can be considered a "high-risk area", and therefore it is so important to clearly define these three concepts, raised to the rank of basic principles. It is in their maximally detailed explanation that the key to understanding the problems most often encountered in the communication of Thematic People lies.

Such problems, for example, include the visual similarity of BDSM with other manifestations of one person's power over another, violence, cruelty, etc. In addition, these three concepts cover those "risk zones" in Thematic Relations, in which tension and misunderstanding can most often appear between the Upper and the Lower, a separate BDSM scholar and the community, people from the Theme and the "vanilla" society. This can be physical injury, emotional or psychological trauma, loss of trust, accidental breach of privacy, and more.

That is why newcomers, whenever possible, are first introduced to these concepts-principles.

From the history

?The words? safety, reasonableness, and voluntariness ?first appeared on a poster of gay activists CM during the 1987 Gay and Lesbian Parade. Before that they were only used in this group's internal teaching materials. (Authors believe Barry Douglas and David Stein). have been formulated as a slogan to:

1. to refute the accusation of supporters of gay SM of forcibly involving people in their games;

2.Deny that SM supports unsafe sex and harmful activities

3. Prove that people who practice CM are not mentally ill at all (at the time, interest in CM was still considered a disease).

In short, the SSC Declaration of Principles was conceived as a means to keep political opponents at bay and as a way to give the rapidly growing SM community a general idea of ??how to behave. SSC coped well with these tasks. In 1988, the National Leather Pride Conference in Dallas incorporated these three words into one of its draft statements, and the SSC began to circulate to the Leather Pride representatives. (Kris M. "Act Responsibly").

In addition to the "external", in fact, political task, the SSC principles also have an "internal" task - to define the framework and rules within which such diverse interests of people still remain BDSM interests, and do not become criminal or pathological. For "safety, reasonableness and voluntariness" to be more than just nice words, it is necessary that members of the BDSM community have a similar understanding of the meaning of these principles and act in accordance with them. Of course, someone will perceive this as too strong a restriction, someone, maybe, on the contrary, will consider it too weak. But a kind of "middle" area between the two extremes still needs to be imagined so that the principles of SSC are not a meaningless platitude that assures us and everyone around that everything is fine, but really fulfilled its purpose. However, neither "safety", nor "reasonableness", nor even "voluntariness" can be considered and assessed in isolation from the situation.

Safety

Considering that it is impossible to make BDSM absolutely safe, we are talking about safety, implying the safety of life and health and minimizing the possibility of irreversible effects on the body. However, quite often, both in reasoning and in practice, two points are silent or overlooked:

# It's not just about physical security, i.e. keeping the human body intact and normally functioning, but also, no less, about maintaining psychological health.

# If security during sessions is given at least some attention, then security outside of sessions is almost always forgotten. Be really careful when you meet a new partner. If you look for a BDSM hookup online, choose one of the safest BDSM sites. And meet your new partner in some public place for the first time. Try to get as much information as possible.

The difference between safe and unsafe directly depends not only on what the partners are doing, but also on individual characteristics (physique, features of anatomy and physiology, tastes, fitness, experience, environment, emotional state, presence of phobias, reactions to stressful and critical situations etc.), and even on the quality of the devices used. Yes, there are more risky forms of BDSM, just as there are less, and you need to understand that there will always be people willing to practice the most dangerous forms of BDSM.

In any case, the main task will be to reduce the risk to a minimum acceptable for partners, both during the session and after it. It should be remembered about the presence of seeming, in comparison with the main action, "little things", and do not forget about special post-session care. Often during a session, Top (or Bottom) begins to think that "it could have been stronger" and increase (ask to increase) the load. This should not be done during the first joint session; and also if the used device is used for the first time. Of course, experience can significantly change the picture. So, an experienced Top, "knowing" his bottom, can increase the load, and the bottom - knowing the limits of his body - ask, for example, for more blows.

In addition, experience in one area of ??BDSM does not increase safety in others, and experience in the area of ??physical influence does not automatically provide experience in providing psychological safety. We also add that confidentiality can also be considered as an aspect of security (confidentiality will be discussed in more detail below).

Voluntariness

Voluntariness is also far from being as unambiguously defined as it might seem. With the consent of a partner, you can do a lot, even risky, and without consent, the most innocent game can become an insult or even a crime. But cases, almost according to the saying "no means maybe, maybe it means yes, but yes, it means nothing at all" - occur quite often. Contrary to popular belief, the presence and even observance of stop words does not guarantee voluntariness in any way, since the situation can be built in such a way that the lower one simply cannot give a stop signal, or, under the influence of the situation, will agree to something that he did not want to agree to earlier and which he will regret later. In addition, voluntariness also implies "non-coercion" and "awareness of the decision." Simply put, a person must give consent without any pressure, being, as lawyers say, of sound mind and memory, and clearly understanding what he is agreeing to. Therefore, in contrast to more traditional forms of close contact between people, in BDSM preliminary clarification of restrictions and obtaining direct voluntary consent to some actions is not bargaining, not "swinging rights" and not whims, but a necessity. And when you explore something new and break down old barriers, it is especially necessary to be sure that both partners want this, and in the same understanding of what is happening.

Rationality

The principle of rationality has its weakest practical side. If the principle of voluntariness suggests using stop words and stipulating conditions, the principle of safety is to improve your skills and deepen your knowledge, then rationality in fact does not offer anything concrete and is often viewed not as a separate principle, but as an integral part of safety - in the form of warnings against BDSM. sessions under the influence of alcohol or from contact with emotionally unstable people. However, if we proceed from the initial tasks "not to become another case of crime or medical examination" (not to violate ethical and / or moral taboos, to make the practice of BDSM enjoyable for oneself and another, etc.) - it is the principle of rationality that dictates the need for compliance and safety , and voluntariness. Thus, it is hardly possible to unambiguously determine which of the principles is more important or "was the first", they are too interconnected for this. Obviously, everyone wants what he does to be either pleasant or useful to him. Cases of pure altruism, of course, do occur, but all other things being equal, a person still strives for some kind of "benefit" for himself personally and for those who are dear and close to him. Therefore, if the practice of BDSM harms the health or condition of a person and / or his loved ones, it is precisely on the subject of the rationality of its continuation that it is worth considering, although it can be both safe and voluntary. The principle of rationality also comes to the fore when there is a desire to do something obviously unsafe. Sometimes the degree of risk, even with competent provision of all conceivable security measures, is too great to decide on this action was expedient.

Between word and deed

The vagueness in the definition of the SSC principles also gives rise to the vagueness of their understanding and, even more sad, the possibility of manipulating words, which with the proper eloquence is not so difficult, especially in a conversation with a beginner. Another difficult point is that even with understanding and adhering to these principles in relation to oneself, it is rather difficult to assess their observance from the outside. Differences in interpretation and significant "individuality" of application impede not only compliance, but also tracking of attempts to circumvent these three principles. The right of everyone to engage in BDSM the way they want it (subject to 3 principles), respect for the confidentiality of information and unwillingness to spread gossip, which is absolutely natural, nevertheless does not contribute to any external control over the observance of the principles, leaving this control at the discretion of directly participants in BDSM relationships. We add that categoricalness and attempts to bring the principles of SSC to their extreme manifestations, both in the direction of exaggeration and in the direction of understatement, will not improve the quality of BDSM relationships and actions, they will simply exclude them, as a priori unsafe, or reduce everything to permissiveness.

However, even with sufficiently broad views of the essence of the SSC principles, a number of provisions can be formulated to help comply with almost any interpretation of them, except, perhaps, the most extreme ones.

About fantasies

Many BDSM players came to the Topic dreaming about something. But the difference between "exciting BDSM fantasies" and the reality of BDSM relationships is huge. You will have to make sure that the realization of these fantasies does not lead away from real problems, deeds and needs, and also that the embodiment of fantasies does not turn into a drug. What seems safe in fantasies can in fact turn into moral or physical trauma, so do not rush to satisfy your desires without assessing the consequences. Remember that thematic inclinations should not interfere with or supplant other interests in life, affect peace of mind, self-esteem, financial condition, create family or work problems, spoil relationships with friends, break the law, etc.

About behavior

"Normal" human behavior "in the Topic" is no different from the behavior of "vanilla". Politeness, tact, decency, respect - all this is necessary here. I will add that no Thematic status gives the right to violate universal human norms of communication. In BDSM, personal relationships are directly and more deeply involved, so you will have to pay special attention to providing protection from psychological trauma, respecting the partner's psyche. You must not let the CM stray in the direction of insults (unless this is part of the game with the consent of the partners).

Remember that the Dominants do not have the right to command any lower without his consent, even if he does not have the "upper", and even more so there is no right to even try to control the lower, which has the upper one. And from submissives, no one has the right to demand obedience, for whatever reason, until they themselves freely and voluntarily want it, which, nevertheless, does not exempt them from the obligation to respectfully communicate with the Houses.

The BDSM community, like any other, is "sick" with gossip and backbiting - you should avoid "foci of the disease". Do not be afraid to admit your mistakes, do not be afraid to admit out loud your inexperience or insecurity - even the most experienced BDSM people cannot know everything, they are also wrong, and they too were once beginners. ...

About choosing a partner

We would advise you to choose a partner among people who are personally familiar to you or your friends. If you are still going to a meeting with a stranger, leave the coordinates of the proposed meeting place to someone, or schedule a test call. If you are not sure about the experience of the new partner, try to negotiate the presence of someone more experienced in your first sessions. If something tells you that a meeting / session should be avoided, honestly reject it and try to gather information about your failed partner. And even if you like your future partner, and you have no reason not to trust him, keep your mind clear, evaluating all his actions.

About privacy

Our society for the most part still has a rather negative attitude towards BDSM people. And often, the discovery of your belonging to them can entail various unpleasant consequences, such as a break in relations with a "vanilla" partner, a complete misunderstanding of family and friends, and even dismissal from work. Therefore, we strongly recommend that you take all precautions to maintain your and your partner's confidentiality. If you communicate on "these" topics by mail or in icq, close them with a password so that no one can read the messages in your absence. For correspondence on the forums, it is better to have a separate mailing address and in no case use a work e-mail. When purchasing CM literature and any gadgets, think about where you will keep them so that they cannot even accidentally get into someone's eyes.

And, finally, the two most important points are the presence of characteristic marks on the body and photography and video filming at the time of any CM actions. The first can indicate that a person belongs to the Topic to any outside observer. The second is to become the basis for blackmail, especially if you are portrayed in the role of "underdog", or, for a man, as a crossdresser. Therefore, it is worth thinking carefully before giving permission for this or that.

About practice

Communicating with people on BDSM topics, one can quite often hear the opinion that the Dominant is not in status to try devices on himself, along with the belief that such testing automatically sticks the label of a masochist on the House. These formulations are incorrect; let's try to explain why.

Novice Tops simply have nowhere to get information about the strength of their blows, and therefore it is highly discouraged to start practicing with bottoms right away. It will be quite normal if such a Top even "tries on", say, in the palm of his hand - this will give him minimal knowledge about the strength of the effect of this device on the skin. This will not mean that he is a masochist, and it will not drop his Dominant status.

In addition, the hand "forgets" skills if it is not practiced for a long time, and therefore do not start right away with a full session if you have had a long break.

Remember also that alcohol and drugs change the perception and accuracy of actions - which means that you cannot conduct sessions in a state of alcohol and drug intoxication.

About session

Now you pick up a whip (candle, rope, etc.) and the session begins. A minute, another, you get more and more excited, increasing the force of the blows ... STOP. It's good that these were only dreams. Let's go back to earth and think about preparing for the session. Do you have any idea how long it can last? How long will it take to recover from it? Is the first aid kit prepared, no matter what you do?

Now look at your partner. Does he have breathing problems or open wounds? Does he have any taboos (see below) that can be violated during the session? If you're trying something new - does he really want to try it with you?

First of all, we want to say that a session is not "picking up a device, but there it goes", but a deliberate and (preferably) planned action, and it is not only yours, but also your partner's. Think before, carefully control the time, take care after - and over time you will be talked about as an excellent partner for BDSM sessions.

By the way ... In your "dreams" you have forgotten the most important thing - that you must not allow excitement to prevail over reason. Keep this in mind when conducting a session.

About taboos and restrictions

It would seem - what nonsense - a mouse brought to the tied bottom ... And this can cause a nervous breakdown. To avoid such situations, identify before the start of the session all those internal prohibitions that your bottom has. And do not think that these taboos are something that Bottom is simply afraid of, but longs to overcome with your violent "help." No. Take these bans very seriously, or you will hurt your partner emotionally.

In addition, it is necessary to find out all the health problems and physiological features. Often, problems that seem to be in no way directly related to the action lead to serious consequences. Having precisely understood all of the above, go to the stop words. You should choose stop words that immediately stop the game when spoken ("red" or "limit" usually stops the game; "yellow" or "mercy!" Are used as a request to pause or slow down slightly). The habit of immediately responding to a stop word must be deeply rooted in your mind if you do not want to irrevocably lose your partner's trust and your reputation. Also, usually some verbal or non-verbal feedback is stipulated so that the bottom can make it clear to Top that something is wrong.

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